The things people say to an expecting/new mom...

[Cookiebaker]

PCB, I always love your posts...good stuff to think about.

Just as everything in life, I think there's a balance. You are absolutely right when you say, "who needs the freedom to go out and about at night when you have the joy of nurturing and raising a beautiful tiny little human being".

However, in my (oh so very limited) experience, its so much more than that, its the ongoing sacrifice. For me, it hasn't always been an easy adjustment. When I was pregnant the first time around, I was NOT prepared or expecting the amount of sacrifice that parenthood takes. I think I feel the pressure the most when I am forced to make a decision, and I really *don't* know what is best -- sometimes I want to shirk from responsibility and be carefree again. You are right that raising children brings boatloads of joy, but along with it comes amazing amounts of responsibility, knowing that with every decision I make, comes a consequence. And I keep thinking its going to get easier, but it doesn't...with every new stage come new challenges.

And I agree with Prcherswife -- 'sleep when the baby sleeps' is mostly for those wee early days when the baby is up all.night.long, but most of all it is so important NOT to get burned out. I am finding that all over again being 7 months pregnant, and I need to remember to take a rest during naptime...or else by the end of the day I'm shot, and have zero patience by bedtime. Its important to take time for YOU!

[Cataholic]

However, in my (oh so very limited) experience, its so much more than that, its the ongoing sacrifice. For me, it hasn't always been an easy adjustment. When I was pregnant the first time around, I was NOT prepared or expecting the amount of sacrifice that parenthood takes. I think I feel the pressure the most when I am forced to make a decision, and I really *don't* know what is best -- sometimes I want to shirk from responsibility and be carefree again. You are right that raising children brings boatloads of joy, but along with it comes amazing amounts of responsibility, knowing that with every decision I make, comes a consequence. And I keep thinking its going to get easier, but it doesn't...with every new stage come new challenges.

Probably it is partly my personality type and partly my age...but, for ME, I don't feel the sacrifice part at all. I was 38 when I had my little bundle, and to this day (5.5 years later), it is still all about him, and I have no feelings of anything but gratitude for him. BUT, by the time I had him I had done nothing but me, me, me and more me all that I wanted. I travelled, did my education, did my living alone, did my life my way, etc. So, when J came along, I was so ready, willing and thankfully, able to 'devote' myself to him.

I don't mean this to say that my life is nothing BUT him (though, to a large extent, it is, and I am pretty content with that), as I still work, I still socialize (when I want to), I stil do everything that I did before I had him, that I still want to do. Maybe it is different- I don't go to the gym every single day for 2 hours anymore, and I, well...really, nothing else comes to mind.

The thing about decision making is probably my personality type. I like to make decisions- for me, my son, and everyone else. Just ask my mom, or anyone else that knows me well. I like control, lots and lots of it.

I think motherhood comes to people differently, with different expectations, different results and different practices. There isn't one perfect way to be a mother, and there isn't one perfect way to be a child (though PCB's son might be up there with the whole sleeping through the night thing from day 1).

What works best for you and your child is what works best.

As a small aside to PCB...as I left my house this morning with 3 loads of clean laundry still unfolded at the foot of my bed, hot wheel tracks in the living room, 8 cat food bowls in various positions on the floor and counter, the blender still dirty and a fully clean but unloaded dishwasher, I thought of you.
I did make my bed, feed and take care of 8 cats, shower, dress and attempt to feed my child, and make it out the door by 8. Sometimes I live the day, other days, it lives me.