I am starting to really hate men!

[Scooby4]

Nomilynn, I am glad your still soo young and insightful on this. I was too after my first big relationship. I took the blame as a 2 way street. However, upon reflection and years of growth... I discovered the 2 way street issue was my boyfriend's excuse not to accept the blame himself. What better way than to blame your partner of some of your guilt? Not to rain on your parade or healing process... You can only accept and improve your behavior in a relationship.
The dating process is a survival instinct but who knew you needed survival skills to date? In the old days, your parents gave you a quarter in case you needed to come home early from a bad date. Now you carry the phone directly with you. Before you carried extra perfume in your purse for " A refreshing". Now you carry a can of mace on your keychain in case they get "Fresh". A fingernail file is now a weapon... Preparing for a date meant buying a new dress Now it is going to self defense classes...Going on a date nowadays is like preparing for war!

[LauraT7]

The only 'men' I'm interested in are under 18 and wear khaki uniforms.....

I'm a Boy Scout Leader ;-)

Seriously, I'm 45 and have been a single mom for about 13 yrs. My son will turn 15 in July.

I tried the dating thing - early on after my divorce - but everyone I met seemed to be overgrown children, and I had enough on my hands raising Jon alone!

It seems that there are more and more men who physically grow up - yet they don't want the responsibility of family and obligations that go along with it. I see alot like Skippy's guy - who DO help out Mom and Dad, but Mom and Dad are helping them more than it initially appears. They're living like perpetual teenagers - Mom cooks and does laundry, Dad's retirement pays the bills, and their income ( if any) goes to their own toys and pursuits. Sure, they do the physical work - mow the lawn, paint the house - but it's still Mom or Dad who instigate it - they make the decisions and provide the structure.

On my small street of 15 or so homes, there are at least 8 adult males between 25 and 45 living at home with mom and dad. Most are out fo college and under 30 - but there's a few my age!

I just have too much on my own plate with my son, house and pets - to adopt another such 'stray'.

some of them are perfectly nice people, and make good friends, just not good 'boyfriends'. ( as long as they don't drink, do drugs or get violent.)

I seem to have more men 'friends' than women friends. Many fall into the above category. It's true that I have always been somewhat of a 'tomboy', and enjoy camping and the outdoors, though I am not athletic at all and hate sports (esp professional sports - I never 'got' that?) Many of my friends, male and female, I have met thru my Scouting activities with my son. But I find men easier to get along with as friends - once they, or their wives, get over the idea that I'm 'single on the prowl' and looking to 'catch' them!LOL! I do find it much easier to find people compatable with my interests by simply doing things I enjoy, and not by 'looking' for them. And I really, really enjoy teaching and being with these kids as they grow up - most of whom I've known from 2nd grade, as my son has grown up with them. Unfortunately, Scouting attracts many more married men than single, and the single ones tend to be overgrown boy scouts, themselves, in more ways than one!

However, between scouts and church, I've usually got someone to take to the office christmas party, catch a movie with if I want, or to lend a hand on some home project that needs strength or tools I don't have.

But I haven't seen anyone who is 'available' and who can match my interests, handle the responsibilities of family (usually TWO families), and that i would be willing to give up my independance and freedom for. Those kinds of guys are already happily married!

But I think, too - that there's still an income and lifestyle gap between the 'independant' women and the available (over 30+) adult males. We might be 'independant' but our incomes are generally not high enough to fully support another person. As for lifestyle - again, very generally - women will find more ways to support the household (mentally, physically and financially) if not 'working for pay' and do so on their own, than a male. the guys need more support and structure to do so - yet they resent being 'told what to do'.

I may not have put that well - I hope you understand what I mean.

I think I'm going to be single for the rest of my life too. In some ways it's dissapointing and lonely - in others, it's very 'freeing'. I guess it depends on what kind of compromises you are willing to make. I'm pretty independant now, after 13 yrs on my own, and not likely to 'give in' much!LOL! I think the older you get, the more entrenched you get into your own ideas and lifestyle. It's harder to compromise.

laura

[carole]

It sure sounds like you are going to be way better off Scooby without this loser in your life, my advice is stay away with anyone with a serious drinking problem, it will only give you heartache in the long run, I speak from experience having being married to an alcoholic and engaged to one, yep I sure can pick em.

I cannot help being a romantic,and even though I have been bitten a few times, I was lucky enough to find my present partner, everything is not perfect, and we have had to work hard on our marriage, we have nearly ended up parting a few times, but we are still together coming up 14 years in August, I guess I am just trying to say, don't give up hope completely, I felt pretty much like you all too, Slick, Val,Scooby and although my experiences obviously were not as bad, they took their toll, sometimes there is light at the end of the tunnel, and there are still some pretty decent guys out there, one just has to dig deep to find them these days.

Just for the record I see absolutely nothing wrong with being single anyhow, women donot need a man in their lives to make them happy, or feel worthwhile, now a pretty purring kitty, or a big licky doggie, that is a definite must IMO. lol

[aki]

In a way, it in comforting to see that I am not alone in this. I am so completely discouraged. But yet am fine being single too. I guess my biggest thing is that in just 3 years my only child (my daughter) will leave for college and I will be alone for the first time in my life. Maybe I just need more cats!

[slick]

It's easy to say that you will never date again but sometimes the heart wants what it wants.

Nomi....I think age has a lot to do with it. If I was your age, I would get myself out there and give it all I've got. But really, I'm staring 53 in the face, and honestly I just don't have it in me to play the dating game. Sure, my heart would love to love again, but my head is winning this battle. In the meantime the love that my heart has goes to good friends and family. That's enough for me.

Aki, when your daughter leaves home, you can enjoy the time to yourself. I've heard of the "empty-nest" syndrome and things may seem very different and quiet for a while, but this is the time to finally put yourself first. Every mother deserves that!!