Ravishing Ralph!
Dearest Ralph, what a gorgeous Tuxedo gentleman you are! You are absolutely ravishing indeed, with that Tuxie trademark black and white fur that looks so soft, and that sweet face with those long, curly white whiskers and eyebrows and those lovely big pale-green eyes. Thank you for sharing those great photos with us! You are so beautiful in then both, in that big catnip-plant pot with the green leaves all around, as if you are a pretty catnip flower growing there in the garden! I wish I could reach down to Newnan, GA to pet you! I can't, of course, but I know your loving and beloved Purrrsons will pet you for me .
And what a story you have to tell! Your earlier years were full of dreadful experiences. You were front-declawed, and you had a digestive disorder that I bet was not well cared for. And then about thirteen years ago, you were abandoned or dumped by whatever heartless villain had been mistreating you so far. You were nearly dead, very thin and malnourished, every bone showing, and you looked to be a hundred years old.
And that's when your luck and your story changed, right along for the good that you had deserved all along! Somehow you just knew which house to come to. You arrived in that back yard at night, howling bloody murder. The people opened the door, you walked in, and you were home! They took you to the vet, who found digestive disorders and conditions. You finally started getting the treatment you needed to manage your health. Now you are living your Purrrfect life, full of Tuxitude! You're fussy about food, and you want laps and pets and chin scratches NOW, on your terms. You can be a totally sweet lap cat or a cranky dictator, whichever you want to be and it's in your interests to be. You're cranky and outspoken, just like your namesake Ralph Kramden. And your dear Purrrsons would not trade you for the world! You all love each other very much, don't you. What a wonderful love-filled home you share!
Congratulations, darling Ralph, on being chosen Cat of the Day! We hope you and your dear Purrrsons and all your family and friends are enjoying a fine celebration, full of fun and lovies and all your favorite games and treats.
I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
CATS, he said eventually. CATS ARE NICE.
-- Terry Pratchett (1948—2015), Sourcery
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