If I were you, I would make suggestions on how to improve his work. I'm trying to be a professional writer and I've had several things published. Unfortunatly, this makes many people I know want me to read their work - and much of it isn't very good.
1) Go ahead and make suggestions. If he can't take suggestions from you, he certainly won't be able to take them from a producer. I've had editors that have rejected me nicely but I've also had ones who said everything but 'why did you waste my time by sending me this?" Anyone who cannot accept constructive critism will not make it far in any business, much less the arts.
2) Don't be brutal about it. Just tell him you see some places he could make changes and tell him you want to talk them over with him. If he refuses, flat out say that these are not ready to be produced and you will not use your contacts if he is not willing to work at it.
3) I hate to say it, but a lot of people have dreams that simply cannot be reached. I have a friend who wants to be writer; it's not going to happen. She doesn't know the first thing about being a writer and I finally had to stop trying to help her because she didn't seriously want my advice. She only wanted me to tell her how good she was. Now, she has a book published under a vanity press. Anyone can do, pay to have their work published. The real show of talent is when they pay you for your work! The same can be said for the music industry. For enough money, anyone can make a CD as well; they don't have to have talent.
4) As for the loud music, I can't stand it blasting either. Did he listen to your requests or only turn it down that last time? As for your relationship with him, not knowing either of you, I can't say for sure and I might be totally off base but he may end the relationship if you don't tell him over and over what a wonderful song writer he is. Even if he doesn't break it off, he will probably be resentful and the two of you won't discuss his music. That's a big part of his life, despite talent or lack of, and may leave a big hole in your relationship. The best thing to do is be direct with him. Meet him face to face and simply tell him this relationship is not working out. You may want to tell him you'll still help him with his music if he's open to suggestions but if he is not, you will not use your contacts. If he starts acting bitter, claiming you won't help him get a record deal because you simply don't like him, take the high road and say something like, "Well, it's your right to believe what you want, true or not." Then walk out of his life forever. From there, any snide remarks or uncomfortable situations he creates can be dealt with through the police or the bouncers at the bar.
All you can do is offer your suggestions. Either he will take them or he won't. Dreams don't always come true and those that do are created from sweat. If he won't take your advice or at least calmly listen to your suggestions, there is no way he will be able to work with big-time producers and will not be able to become the songwriter he wants to be.
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Unfornately, the guy won a contest last year to sing his song at a festival and his song played on the radio. However, it was because the song was about a radio show "character" that was popular at the time. The radio station sponsored the festival. It was free advertising for them.
I met the songwriter AFTER the producer and later learned their connection. I admitted the past relationship to the songwriter. He's okay with it. The producer isn't.
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