tired

[barncat]

I'm not sure if this is the right spot to post...I just need to vent I guess. If this is not the right spot, I apologize and hope you will delete it, Karen or Paul.

I have been stuggling for years to keep things together... I nursed my parents through their final illnesses, dealt with the abuse of siblings, have been involved for 20 years with a survivor of incest and abuse... (part of the difficulty in that is the fact that my friend has never been able to acknowledge the reality of our physical relationship...we've been lovers for most of the 20 years... and she tells me it is the happiest she's been, but she can not be "out" and so I have become more and more isolated) I went bankrupt, lost a job I loved over something that was not true which caused a whole other round of financial problems...

I know other people have it worse and all the rest. I am just so tired of struggling.

I am a teacher of at risk urban teens; a high stress job that is not well paid. I am struggling to keep a house that is falling down around my ears so that I can maintain my animals but it is getting harder and harder.

Last night I thought I would get to spend some time with my significant other...I really needed to be close, only to get shut out again for having any needs. I know. These dynamics are old. She can't be what she can't be. In her world view I am supposed to be the giver who never asks. In a few weeks she will be wanting me to be there again. Right now though, I am hurting. There is literally no one I can talk with about this. I am just so tired.

I have tried to get around this depression and struggle through but I just don't know how I can anymore.

Sorry this is so long... I just needed to vent.

[Barbara]

Barncat- I am sorry. I am sure it is the right place to vent and I hope it made you feel a little bit better.
No wonder you feel tired. Do anything to spoil yourself.

{{{Hugs}}}

[gini]

It sounds as though you have always been there for everyone else - at the sacrifice of yourself. It is now "YOUR TURN" - take care of yourself first now, do some things that you love.

It is so hard to wrap your head around the idea that "people cannot give what they do not have"......................

I know how disappointing people can be and it hurts.

And, it makes you tired.

I too, send you hugs and also some prayers that things will look up for you.

[barncat]

thanks.

[Cataholic]

Barncat, here is the right place to vent, to find support, to find other's opinions. As Gini said, it is YOUR turn. No matter the relationship- whether it is people, work, family, friends, children- you have to pay yourself first. You have to. You can't search for something in others that you don't first have in yourself. Easy to say, yes, but, I have been there. All the love in the world cannot cure someone else's 'ills'.

Take a few days to roll in your own muck, but, it is then time to begin finding what YOU need, and working towards it.

Good luck.

[joycenalex]

barncat how are you today? i hope things are better for you.

[barncat]

Thank you al for the support. I am feeling more balanced again. Sometimes it just gets a bit much....

being heard helps. thanks.

[sirrahved]

I'll be praying for you! So sorry you're feeling at your wit's end.

[Oggyflute]

Having a partner is a partnership in all things mate. She should be aware of your needs as you are of hers. Hope things get better for you.